Having Experience in 2024 Means Selling Out

Where do we go from here? The fight for identity is actually a fight to erase identity. My side of the story...

If I knew 10 years ago what I know today about the music industry and being a music artist, I would have listened to my mom and opted to get a real job. When I dreamt of becoming a singer, and doing whatever it takes to learn how to produce and how to write songs, I had a vision of creating something new and empowering that would contribute to society in a positive way. I dreamt of writing cool and interesting melodies with honest lyrics that can liberate the listener and myself. As the cliché saying goes, music heals. But in 2024, I must admit that music does quite the opposite. Music kills. I say that metaphorically of course. I would never put songs and direct artists to blame for all the atrocities going on in the world. However, music is a huge part of society and culture, and music is where the young ones get their ideas from. It really matters what people like me do because we are pillars, we are idols, we are looked up to by the younger generation. To say that creating music in 2024 sucks is an understatement. A part of me died recently and I am trying to recover and trying to figure out what more I can do to make this cesspool of a life better. When I dreamt of becoming an artist I did not dream of pleasing everybody and conforming. I certainly did not dream of staring at a phone and doom scrolling the metaverse endlessly just to make it and be excepted. The thought of being relatable and trendy never occurred to me.

What exactly does it mean to be relatable? Does it mean that we are all human, and experience similar things in life? Or does being relatable mean that the brand is working and captivates the attention of a certain desperate audience so that the music and brand can generate a lot of money that goes into the pockets of gatekeepers, managers, and record labels. What does it mean to be current and trendy? Does it mean having an individual style and way of being and you can certainly fit in because we are all existing in real time technically anything anybody does is current… Or does it mean to dress the same, sound the same, look the same which seems pretty obvious since we are erasing gender overall. Everyone is aiming to be androgynous it seems and robotic like. The fight for identity is actually a fight to erase identity.

Maybe this is my existential crisis but it's worth sharing, I think. Recently, I got rid of the TikTok app. For a solid 2 years of my life, I played the game. The game as an independent artist is this: listen religiously to the dream vultures, aka, failed artists and musicians that sell you tips and trick on how to blow up, dish out cheap singles instead of well thought out albums while scrambling to make content surrounding the singles, (spend money on music videos, advertising, graphics etc.) and over share on social media (tell complete strangers personal things about you to be more relatable and always have a smile on your face and make sure you have a cool aesthetic). I guess what I’m trying to say here is that in the last couple of years, I spent more time creating “content” and promoting my music than I have spent time actually making music and doing the things I should be doing to become a better artist, performer, and singer. I got sucked into the black hole that I believe the music industry is doing intentionally to artists like me. With all my heart, I believe it's a planned strategy to make people like me burn out and give up because the system is designed for failure.

The system for an independent music artist is designed for failure and I would like to back this statement up with my real life experiences and facts. Firstly, never mind not having music industry connections but if you have no money you are doomed. In 2022, I released an Electropop/Retro Pop single called ‘Digital Dreams.’ At the time, my family and friends truly believed that this song was a hit. And to this day I feel like it is. I never wrote the song with the intention of creating a hit. It's a natural talent of mine to write catchy lyrics and my voice is OK - but at the very least pleasing to the ear and original. Anyway, I wanted to do something I have never done before. I hired a PR person here in Canada for about $4k. Basically, all of my Covid savings went into this release. The PR agent told me the song rocked, and that she would help me with my press release and get exposure. To her credit, I landed a Global News and CTV interview where my music was aired. Other than that, the campaign was a complete flop and she pretty much ghosted afterwards. I spent $4k for 2 five minute virtual interviews and a one time TV play of my music video. I was basically told that I need to pay more for more exposure and I got the point. Adjacent to this, I paid for another type of campaign with another platform for radio play. This campaign was one of the cheapest too, $1200 per month for ‘a chance to get played’ on CR Canadian radio stations. I learned something very interesting about radio play. It truly is pay-to-be-played. After 3 months we ended the campaign because I was getting about 4-5 stations per month playing my song once and the stations wrote in the notes indirectly that I am required to pay $3k to get more plays, to remain on the rotation and pay more to get into the top 40. (Just for CR radio). I have understood that the rich can make it in music. A person like me cannot get exposure using this method so I had to think outside the box. And never mind applying for funding. While looking into FACTOR and the list of artists here in Canada they distribute money to, I was shocked to see on the list very rich and established artists they continue to fund instead of indies. In particular, this included a Canadian artist, Grimes, who at the time was partnered with the richest man on the planet Elon Musk. I couldn't believe it. Why the heck does she need the funding? Sorry!

Sometimes I wonder if I was placed on this earth as a social experiment. My entire life I have been sceptical of a lot of things. I can easily see things for what they truly are, which most of the time is bullshit. In late 2022, my boyfriend and I moved back to Toronto from hiding in Montreal during the pandemic. We were ready to start performing again and ready to continue where we left off. Pre-Covid, we were putting on our own concerts, participating in small festivals and showcases, while recording and creating our own music. Post-Covid, I applied for some similar festivals and showcases and I was swamped with rejections. The hosts of these events were rejecting my resume and catalogue telling me I lack the experience. It was so confusing I thought, what the hell? Before Covid, I performed without any issue dozens and dozens of shows since I began in 2017, and during Covid I continued creating and releasing music from home and performing virtually. To keep up to date, I was doing singing lessons again to stay sharp and I landed some major press opportunities. This is a little Easter-egg, but a small fandom of mine started to grow online called ‘The Rebelz’. From my perspective, I checked all the points for being eligible enough to perform. The requirements are simple, I have a big catalogue to share, I am an active artist, I’ve sold physical merchandise to fans, people are streaming my music, and I have a decent fandom. What do they mean I don't have the experience? I thought.

Experience does not mean experience. Experience means selling out, being a victim of some sort, having a large social media following, and going viral on the internet. You see this all the time, kids and young adults that don't have bills to pay and don't have a day job have enough time to play on TikTok so that they can find their “niche,” go viral and then become an artist. During the pandemic the music industry capitalized on this. They realized that they can now do less work and make the same or if not more money off of people basically prostituting themselves on the internet. Last year my boyfriend and I put on a show in Toronto. One of the acts on the bill had a TikTok following of 50k and an IG following of 12.5k or so. That is an impressive following but it is also just optics. The artist sold only about 5 tickets. We were in charge of the Eventbrite sales and saw this and we were baffled. Here’s another quick story. When I moved back to Toronto, a TikTok influencer wanted to meet up with me for coffee. They told me that they love my music and wanted to network. If I can be honest, I was already hesitant but I enjoy adventure so I wanted to learn more about this individual as they were an aspiring artists. At this time, I had one of the most lame social interactions of my life. This person spent 2 hours talking about themselves, and their cheap tactics to go viral and how in grocery stores and shopping centres they were being recognized. They sing one-liners on the app mimicking the sound of different artists in different pitches and they have 3 million followers because of this and have a lot of viral videos. Never once in my conversation with them did we talk about the passion for songwriting, and anything music related or what their vision was as an artist. At that time they have never performed a day in their life and released 2 songs. I am not judging because everyone starts somewhere I guess. I left the meeting feeling so empty and realizing that the Gen Z folks are a lost generation with no real substance but they are also the future which scares the shit out of me.

The artists that get exposure nowadays are people that kiss ass to the government to be completely straight. How is that punk rock, defiant, or rebellious? You will see Gen Z music artists go viral and get opportunities because they dedicated their entire brand to being body positive and sing about being fat, convincing people that a man can be a woman, or they are complete replicas of already existing and established artists. A lot of Millennials who started losing steam suddenly come out as lesbian, gay, or trans for attention and suddenly go viral again. Maybe I am bitter, but I don’t think it's a coincidence that literally everyone sounds the same nowadays. Maybe the production is all AI generated, who knows. The other day my boyfriend's song was rejected on a playlist because they loved the song but the vocals were too raw and not autotuned enough. (lol) I fail to see authenticity these days and the people are desperate to make it even if it means going against personal beliefs and lying about who they are. It's not inspiring.

This is the part of the ‘having experience’ I messed up on. I opened my mouth a year ago on Twitter and got cancelled in my local music community. Maybe this needs to be a post in itself the details of what actually happened, but basically I freaked out on Twitter after seeing the shenanigans of this Dylan Mulvaney human insulting and mocking woman. The next day people were DMing me lectures on how to educate myself better and how to get informed. I was receiving violent threats, all of my planned concerts were cancelled and fellow local musician peers were defaming my name, getting the music venue involved as well and calling me of all things Hitler. A couple of fans cried and had a tantrum about it and unfollowed me. (I saw their IG stories and it broke my heart). It broke my heart because society failed these kids. How the heck can someone be so emotional for an artist like me just telling the truth? A MAN IS NOT A WOMAN.

This has everything to do with music because these insane ideologies are in charge of the music industry. I learned this past year that if you are not woke, you do not have enough experience to participate in anything music related whether it's performing at festivals, showcases, getting playlisted, getting platformed, etc. As an independent artist which is akin to being an entrepreneur, you get tanked and shadow banned in the social media algorithms if you are not woke. This is a fact. This concept emerged during Covid I believe while people were bored at home most likely trying to figure out how to make the world a shittier place. This past summer I applied for a grant with the Toronto Arts Council and of course got rejected. The first page of the application was a survey, and I believe this to be the primary way grant providers consider distributing money. The survey asked me if I was a black person, if I was indigenous, if I had a disability, if I was of any other colour other than white, and most importantly if I was part of the LGBTQ+ community. Then, the survey proceeds to ask me about my sex life (if I am gay/lesbian, or bisexual), and of course I am literally none of these. I am a white Canadian woman of Austrian, German, and French Canadian descent and I am happily straight. There is nothing particularly wrong with me and I am not a minority or a victim. My passion is writing Electropop songs and I consider myself a professional and I would like to grow my brand and be a positive influence and empower society but that isn't good enough. After being rejected from this grant I wanted to know why I was not considered and they replied to me stating that they do not provide this sort of information to applicants. This is very curious and I will leave it up to you to come up with your own conclusion as I did.

I wrote this blog, post, article, whatever it should be called so that I can release some steam and tell my story in hopes that someone can relate. Where I go from here as an independent music artist is unknown to me now. Recently, I decided to stop releasing a collection of songs I had ready for a major reason. The music producer I was working with started a podcast with their wife on YouTube and they are encouraging people to not have kids, not have families, to be trans, to be in ‘poly’ relationships, to be on birth control and to have vasectomies. As a human being I am disgusted and cannot believe what I saw and heard and it triggered me deeply. I hate that word ‘triggered’ but it is the most appropriate word to describe the feeling. As a society we are so alienated from the truth and we seem to be existing in some wacky alternate universe where the sky is pink and never blue and if you say otherwise you are a bigot.

In a song I released last year called ‘Pressure,’ I sing the line I wrote “Do you really like the things we do for free, is it true that you're a prodigy? There's a lot of things in which I disagree, the truth is now a new mythology.” And: “Welcome to the club where we compromise, who we are is penetrated with lies. Sorry that I’m not the one who often denies, or plays it off like we are all alright.” The artwork features my somewhat bare-butt cheeks with graffiti writing “Pressure” on them as my Bart Simpson moment to the universe: “eat my shorts!” If you get it, you get it. Society is failing us. Music used to be an alternative outlet for finding inspiration, joy and truth but it is all so sinister and brainwashy.

Thanks for reading. I was told I was a good writer in school so I am trying this thing out. ✌️